Hoping for Temporary Insanity
by BellaPattinson
Summary: The day after Edward leaves Charlie is shot and Bella finds out she's pregnant. She lives with Renee and Jacksonville with her daughter Matilda. After a tragic accident Renee dies and Bella flees to London where her insanity begins. MatildaPOV ExB eventul
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I only own Matilda and her friends, and Robert Pattinson's heart=)**

**Matilda Alice Swan**

I knelt down and patted my mum's head.

"Bye"

She trembled and there was a faint crease in her brow.

Movement, that was a good thing.

My mother has been trapped in a series of nightmares after my grandmother, Renee died. My mum had always been broken; my father had left her when she was pregnant.

My grandfather was shot the day after, she fled to Jacksonville the day after the funeral. Renee took care of her and me. She was catatonic the first months of her pregnancy,

and since Renee died 3 years ago she has been .As much as I love her, I wish she would wake up and be the adult for once; but when I see her eternal eighteen year old face

I know I am asking for too much. When Grandma Renee told me that when she lived with mum in Phoenix; mum was the one who acted like the adult and took care of her.

I doubted this, but as they say like mother like daughter. My mother used to be so free and silly. Renee told me that she wasn't always like this she said the trauma of grandpa's

death, my father leaving, and my birth wiped her out and she emerged a new soul. Strange things happened to mother she wouldn't eat anything that wasn't raw meat,

she was hard and cold, she was pale, fast and graceful. My mother had always been very talkative and open. Renee always said the opposite that she was shy and clumsy.

I knew she hadn't forgotton what happened though. The first fourteen years of my life, my mother stressed what I am and my quite abnormal heritage.

My dad was a vampire. Not the scary types, he wanted to be good and was a vegetarian. He was very tall and always the perfect gentlemen. To my mother,

he was her personal Greek god, who called himself a monster and a killer. He was very smart, had gone through high school many times, and had two medical degrees.

He played piano, a talent I inherited from him. He could read minds. He had a wonderful family a burly bear-like big brother, a drop-dead gorgeous ice queen sister,

a psychic midnight haired pixie, and blonde empath brother. There was a father, who was the purest person she'd ever met who only wanted to do good, and his equally kind

Snow White wife. My mother hadn't really raised me,that was all Renee, she had just entertained me as I grew and she had observed my vampiric traits.

I had to hunt once a month, I could run very fast, flexible, graceful. I had photographic memory and could go out in the sun. I slept. Renee had died in a car accident with Phil

when I was 14, we buried them and left the country. My mother couldn't take the memories. We bought tickets to the first plane going off to the other side if the world.

We luckily went to London. She was sane then, she enrolled me in school, had a job, bought a small apartment, took care of me; it wasn't until the day we went to a museum

and they talked about Cromwell. She had whispered "Carlisle" and blacked out. Anything that reminded her of Forks made her go into unconsciousness. The biggest problems

with his were it rained constantly in London, too. The curtains were always drawn so if she would wake up she could probably avoid passing out. My bronze hair and my eyes

were a huge problem. Around her I wore hats or my hair in a bun. I also had to cover my left eye around her, I had two colors for my eyes my left a liquid gold, with light green

and topaz and my other eye was emerald green. She never woke up only when she was thirsty, I could talk to her. It would be like old times. She usually was unconscious

and she murmured, screamed, and trembled. I was mad at her, for being selfish and being so wrapped up in her little nightmares. I didn't want to spend my life like this, and I hoped

this was only temporary insanity.

**A/N: First chapter is pretty bad, I know. I feel so guilty for not updating any of my stories but this idea was haunting me! I'm going to post some more chapters of this so you guys can get a better idea of what's going on. It will be ExB soon, I promise. **

**If you think you think Matilda rocks...review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Well here is the second chapter:) I'll try to update _Pretty Women. _Asfor _The Way Forks Rolls._ Hmm, I need inspiration. Personally, this is my favourite. _Pretty Women _is a collaboration with .Jasper she got the idea and I'm writing it since I have more experience in fanfiction. She just started two months ago and I have had this account for about two years. _The Way Forks Rolls _was just an experiment, I was really into the comedy fanfics and I wanted to give it a shot because it was fun to write Jessica. This was more original I guess and its still fresh and I have it planned so you will be expecting more updates.**

You could cut ties with all the lies, that you've been living in,  
And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.  
I would understand- _Jumper by Third Eye Blind_

_Chapter 2_

I left our apartment and walked toward the tube holding my leather coat tightly around me as the trains passed by and made wind. I was dressed in my black leather jacket,

gray trainers, and gray skinny jeans. I had a gray and black striped button down and a tattered waistcoat underneath. I had my messy bronze hair flipped over to my left side

covering the topaz eye. I always wore a lot of eye makeup and I had nude lipstick on. On connecting line that took me to school, I met with Elle and Luke the twins who were

my best friends. They both had really dark brown hair almost black hair that was always straight. Both their eyes were dark grey. Elle had sort of punk-rocker style and was

really deep. She had combat boots on, jean shorts with black nylons and red suspenders, and a The Rolling Stones t-shirt. Luke wore an army jacket and some random t-shirt

and jeans. We took the train together and met at school. Jane "Violet" van Clyde, Cecilia Marlicot, Trey Fayde, Joel Resoll was waiting and they were part of our so-called group.

I loved absolutely all of them, and even if I didn't have family I would always have them. Jane was probably the prettiest girl in the planet she had the deepest violet eyes, perfect

skin, a willowy figure, and dark red-mahogany hair. She and Trey had been going out since they were 14. Trey was Chad Michael Murray's twin separated at birth and he could make

even snails laugh. Cecilia was a foreign exchange student from France who wanted to be actress. She was a mix of Audrey Hepburn/Eva Green/Angelina Jolie. She was really smart

and was a load of fun. Joel was the goofball of us; we couldn't live without his idiocy and mischief.

* * *

Elle and I went towards first period, Literature. "We're going to a have a new teacher today. He's teaching a class called Career Development. Isn't that lame?" I snorted.

"Career Development? We have to take a class about what to do with your life? This better be a free period."

We seated ourselves next to Trey. "Hey, I think we should scare the teachers with our careers. I'm telling I wanna be a drug dealer."

Elle rolled her eyes "I can just imagine you having a exotic plant garden in some tropical country drinking Tequila and selling weed."

She kicked him under the chair. "The teacher would tell the cops and send you to a shrink. You really do know how to make a first impression."

Trey pouted. "Sarcasm much? Jeez, women you're attacking me. Do you guys have like that period in a group theory shit? Like you're all moody mad women at the same time." We both slapped him at the same time. "Note to self: Never mess with women on their menstrual cycle."

Elle gave me a high five. And the bell rang. Mrs. Goldsmith entered and gave us back our essays.

"For this semester, we will be reading Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. You will have a group project in pairs. It has to be a girl and a boy. You have to perform 2 pages." Elle and I moaned. "Can we pair up with people from other classes?"

She nodded. We are saved.

"Alleluia." Trey said.

"Oh god, I don't want to even think about the scene you're gonna do with Violet. You're going to taint Romeo and Juliet's innocence! Gasp!" Elle and I were cracking up.

* * *

The class ended and Violet ran in and jumped on us. Cecilia was behind her."We just had Career Development! The teacher is such a stud!" Violet said this in a rush.

"That's just what I want to hear for my girlfriend isn't it?" He mumbled to himself. Elle elbowed him "Spill! How does he look like?" Cecilia whispered to us.

"He's a mix of Ben Barnes/ Orlando Bloom and he's got a rockin' bod and gorgeous eyes!" Violet told me in the ear "he's a frickin sex god." "Trey's got competition."

Trey, Luke, and I had Art soon afterward and we just sat in a stool listening to our Ipods. The assignment was to draw a place we rather be. I drew a big white house,

the one in Forks where my mum took me when I was little. It had been 10 years since Charlie had died and my mum decide to honour him. She was sane at the time,

and she wanted to show me the place where my father lived. Her home away from home. It was beautiful place, airy and open. In the middle of the Olympic rainforests;

you had a clear sight of the mountains. It was all perfect, every room designed in a spectacular fashion. It was covered with white sheets which made mum cry,

it was proof they would never come back for her. Luke tapped my shoulder "Great painting. Where is it?" I smiled "Forks. It's my dad's house." "You miss him?""Never met him."

We didn't talk the rest of the period. I had math after, which I was pretty good at. We had lunch soon after and we headed towards the table in the center, near the lunch bar.

The boys always had seconds. Though sitting in the middle had its cons; you had teachers and geeks sitting behind you and the popular/wannabes sitting on the other side.

I got a soda and some fish and chips; I never got really hungry. Cecilia had a salad and Violet just had pizza. The boys got everything they could get their hands on.

The skinny bitches walked in their head-to-toe Topshop Kate Moss collection, 400 pounds handbag, 4inch heeled boots and peroxide blonde updos. Behind them

came the Agyness Deyn wannabes and their mini-mes. They were all bones and just looking at them would make you bulimic.

Their boyfriends who were I-am-going-to-be-a-rugby player-because-I-am-so-fit followed after them trying to be all rough.

I had a mental picture of Cecilia and Elle rolling their eyes. Suddenly, the mood in the atmosphere changed all the girls in the canteen:

eyelashes were batting, fingers twirling hair, giggles, whispers, and pouty lips.

Elle taps my shoulder and turn my head.

There he is Professor Sex God.

His wavy dark hair, thick eyelashes, super pale skin, kissable lips, sharp cheekbones are all devastatingly perfect.

He has honey coloured eyes, could he be… a?

Violet whispers "Hello, gorgeous."

Cecilia is on my other side and she whispers in my ear "He's Mr. Cullen."

_Oh my lord._

**A/N: It is not Emmett! The other Cullens will not go to this school but they will play part eventually. This was an introduction to Matilda's personality/lifestyle. This is a new Cullen and he is mine! Muahaha. And I don't think I'll post a picture of him he's just Ben Barnes or Orlando Bloom vamped up*drool*. So let your imagination go wild.**

**Review if you want more Professor Sex God**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: All the people waiting for the Pretty Women update must want to kill me. Sorry it took a while to update, I hadn´t had the time to type up everything in my notebook. But Alleluia! It is summer so expect some updates I know I´ll work on the next one today because this chapter is embarrassingly short. Thanks for everyone that reviewed, favortied, alerted whatever it keeps this story going on:) **

**Much love, Bella Pattinson**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Matilda POV**

I could barely pay attention to the old hag in the front of the room. I didn´t care if she was explaining the essay outline that would be worth 50 points next quarter.

I was anxious and impatient. I could only think of him. Mr. Cullen. The name wasn´t a coincidence. Just the eyes were enough. Mother had never mentioned another dark-haired Cullen.

And I knew, by definition, he was not Emmett. My head was scheming. Could I use him to find my father and save my mother? No,no, no! I had to stop thinking this was a fairytale

My mother was not Snow White in a trance and Edward was the prince. This was ten times more screwed up.

This all led up to Mr. Cullen. Could I get to him that personal?

I felt a hand take my fingers out of my mouth. It was Elle. "Stop it. You hardly have any fingernails left."

I looked up at her. "Sorry"

She whispered "one more period until Professor Sex God!"

I smiled. That, too, was a factor, could I even look straight at him or say one coherent answer?

I looked at Elle´s notebook; no notes, all scribbles. It must have been fairly basic. Elle was braiding her hair. The dumb blondes were painting their nails, all giddy as if they were at a slumber party.

Mrs. Twining "Students gather your belongings the bell is about to…" I was up out of my seat faster than anyone.

"What do you bring to Career Development, Tilly?"

I heard the smoothest voice in my life right then, "Just yourselves, ladies."

At that moment Elle and I just _**sa-wooned.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Well, I did tell you I was working on it yesterday! This chapter is definitely longer, making up for yesterday´s disappointingly short one. You kind of get a view of Matilda´s situation. She is not a big self-pity fan though. I´m not a big fan of the ending but let´s just say it makes the next chapter a bit juicier:)**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter 4

Matilda POV

Elle and I were the first to enter, right behind Mr. Cullen. "Sit wherever you like, choose carefully cause that's where you´ll be the rest of the year."

We sat in the front row next to each other. As people came in, we noticed girls kept going to the front, boys mostly in the middle and as the bell was about to ring.

The "plastics" filed in all "chilled" because of their quickie ciggie. They scowled when they went to the back. No view of Professor Sex God.

Elle said something like "suckers" under her breath. He went to the front of the class. Girls beside me sighed.

"Hello, my name is Mr. Cullen and I´ll be teaching Career Development. This class is required for juniors and seniors because there is no college counselor or rep. My job is not to tell you what to do with your life. Let that be clear. We are here to find out your strengths and talents so we can plan out your college options and career choices. This class is a great opportunity for all of you."

He had an American accent, he was probably from New England, possibly upstate New York. My accent was becoming less and less noticeable since I have lived here for 3 years.

I´m passing out a sheet of paper for everyone. Once you get the piece of paper, write your name and three things you are good at, three things you´d like to be, and three idols.

Try to answer everything." He paused. "One more thing, nothing can be related to sex, drugs, or alcohol. Those are not positive career choices."

Snickers and groans filled the classroom.

"Guess you can´t be a groupie, Elle."

"Too bad, you can´t be a stripper, Tilly."

I grinned, this was so typical of Elle and I. "Aw shucks, I´m going to have to rethink my life plans now. Why don´t we become exotic dancers in Morocco?"

She winked at me and said in an perfect Austin Powers voice _"Yeah, baby."_

We started laughing and when Mr. Cullen passed by giving out papers; I swear I saw him smile as well.

Elle and I wrote the same thing for number one: music. I loved everything about it honestly. Then I put photography. Then my deepest answer was helping and understanding people.

I would either like to be a psychologist, work at a recording studio, or be a musician. I didn´t really find being a psychologist my calling. All I wanted was to cure my mother of herself.

Finally, for an idol I put my grandfather. Carlisle Cullen. I wish I had met him, he seemed so gentle, caring and trustworthy.

I wonder if this would cause a reaction from Mr. Cullen. A few people read theirs and discussed it. I shut it out.

I wouldn´t be able to leave home and go to college. Have a job and meet someone to spend my life with and have kids and grow old. No one had a vampire mother in a coma. No one had an unsuspecting vampire father who had acquaintances with your teacher. No one was a half-vamp like me. I didn´t know if I was invincible, if I was immortal, how long would I age, or if I could reproduce. I would also never have someone to truly love until the end of my days. If I loved a human, I´d have to keep a secret from the one I love. If I loved a vampire, there would be limits, my days were numbered, and I would be the weakest link.

Elle tapped me. "Its time to go, Tils, unlike some people I don´t have a free period."

I stood up. "Bye, Mr. Cullen." "Goodbye, Matilda and Elle."

* * *

I never really did my homework during free period. I would rather do it at home at almost vampire speed. I usually borrowed Trey´s Iphone during this period but I went to do the next best thing.

I headed to the music room. I had found out that Miss Walters always goes to pick up her son in daycare in her free period. Since it was the end of the day she was probably home. The piano room was locked. That never stopped me though. I eyed the paperclip on the desk, picked the lock and entered.

I had a love/ hate relationship with the piano. It was the only non-genetic thing I had in common with my father.

I also couldn´t play it at home, afraid that it might affect my mother. It was the most relaxing thing I knew. It put my mind to rest.

I had written several compositions all different and lovely. I always played those first. I played "Claire de la Lune" one of my grandmother´s favorites.

I played a song I heard throughout my childhood, my mother´s lullaby. It was a song written by my father to show their love. The sweetest and haunting sound of my little girl days. Sweet, because it was a happy and bright time when I had my grandmother and mum. Haunting, because it was a form of my mother´s mourning.

My life was so unclear and doubtful. My fingers swept the keys and created a melancholy song. **(A/N: Read it all. I put it there for a reason!)

* * *

**

"I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me, me, me"

* * *

That was what my mother was to me. My Immortal. It was my life. How I took care of her. Love was destructive. It was a voluntary parasite. I turned around to check the clock on the wall. "What are you doing here?" I was tête-à-tête with him. **(face to face in french)**

**

* * *

  
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**A/N: As I said, this ending doesn´t drive me crazy and is a bit cliché but to make up for it...**

**_Sneak Peek.._**

"What do you mean your mother _was_ a family friend? Is she dead?" Mr. Cullen was curious not trying to blow his cover.

"Something like that..." I said with a devilish grin.

**Review;)**


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